I always laugh when reading articles or blog
posts about someone who did “all the right things” when they came home from the
hospital with their baby, and so on cue their baby magically drifted into a
peaceful slumber only to awaken briefly for feedings. And then, after mere weeks their baby also
started sleeping through the night. I
also laugh when people take credit for being some kind of magical baby whisperer
that can lull babies into the deepest of sleeps just because they know the
right thing to do. I have one word for
these people: LUCKY.
Sleep training programs, parenting books,
sleeping books, and baby gurus have made many mothers believe that babies
should be reaching some sort of sleep independence at a very young age. If you have not had your baby yet trust me –
one of the most frequent questions people will ask you is, “Is he sleeping
through the night yet?” Note: When you are a new mom and your baby is not
sleeping through the night all this often well-meaning question does is make
you feel like you are really doing something wrong. I fell into this trap. I did “everything right” so to speak but my
son was a terrible sleeper. I was completely
exhausted. I actually remember staring
at him one night in an exhausted daze, when he was just a few weeks old, and
not being able to remember what we had named him. I was beating myself up because my son was
not drifting off into blissful 3 hour naps when all the books said he should
be. Thankfully DoctorSmart (pseudonym)
gave me some useful advice: stop reading these books! Stop letting other people into your
head! Good advice. The reality is that EVERY. BABY.
IS. DIFFERENT. They do not all have the same needs. They do not all have the same sleep
pattern. A good friend of mine has 3
children. The first one started sleeping
through the night at 6 months. The
second started sleeping through the night at 3 weeks (yes, weeks! After this
she said she thought she could have 10 kids).
The third started sleeping through the night at 18 months (that killed the
idea of having 10 kids). She did not do
anything notably different with the three children. They all had different needs.
I have a lot to say about sleep but I am going
to hold off. However, let me say this –
Babies sleeping through the night at a very young age is an exception – not a
rule. Babies all have different sleep
needs. When you have a newborn you will
not be getting much sleep. Fact of
life. Do not beat yourself up. You will be exhausted. People will tell you it’s just a phase and
that will not make you feel any better at all because you are so tired. This is where you need to do the following:
a) Pray for strength and rest.
b) Let someone else look after the baby so you
can have a nap.
c) Tell yourself that this will not last and
that you are strong and you are doing everything you can to look after your
precious baby. (It doesn’t feel good if
others say this to you – but somehow it does help if you say it to yourself).
If you are feeling truly overwhelmed please get
professional help (ie. See your doctor).
There is absolutely no shame in this.
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